


Doublethink

by cal1brations



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, Introspection, M/M, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 14:33:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18741016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cal1brations/pseuds/cal1brations
Summary: It is not the Jedi Way, not exactly, but Obi-Wan would argue that there is plenty going on within Jedi circles which is very muchnotthe Jedi Way, either.





	Doublethink

It is not an ideal situation.

Not that it's inherently a _bad_ situation, mind. Only that things are complicated (when aren't they?) between him and Anakin. That's... the least obtrusive way to describe it, the only way Obi-Wan dares to allow himself to think about it, really, when he allows himself to think about it in any extensive detail whatsoever; and even the level of detail he allows himself to think about is limited, because Obi-Wan knows where thoughts like this go.

It is not the Jedi Way, not exactly, but Obi-Wan would argue that there is plenty going on within Jedi circles which is very much _not_ the Jedi Way, either.

And it's not like it's really _hurting_ anyone, some small part of him chimes when he thinks too hard about it. It's not like furiously making out with his former Padawan after hours upon hours of mind-numbing stress in the middle of a galaxy-wide war is going to change anything (aside from the way things are between the two of them, but certainly not even that if Obi-Wan has anything to say about it). They both still do their jobs-- excellently so, if Obi-Wan may be so bold to say-- and no one needs to be any the wiser about the fact that sometimes after a miserable march back from the front lines, Anakin and Obi-Wan take a bit of comfort in sating some primal urges.

That would be the dream, how Obi-Wan _wants_ to believe things are. But the reality is a little more muddled, as it usually tends to be, and though Obi-Wan tries his damnedest not to look into that too deeply, it's still the truth.

Anakin is... important. To many people, but Obi-Wan would be lying if he said Anakin was not of any importance to _him_ , specifically. Attachment is not becoming of a Jedi, and certainly not a desired quality of a Jedi Master like himself, but... well, Obi-Wan doesn't really know if it's blasphemous to say that there are bits of the Jedi Code that seem a bit archaic and top-down in practice compared to words in a book, so he sagely does not let himself dwell on the idea.

But it is true that Anakin is important. And maybe, just maybe, his importance to a certain Jedi influences this certain Jedi's decision in letting Anakin straddle his lap and set the pace for a frantic dry hump that gets them both off, among other things. That isn't to say Obi-Wan is willing to let Anakin get away with just _anything_ ; there are plenty of times Obi-Wan still gives him a resounding "no" when need be, though that's more in regard to Anakin's wild, unorganized, impulsive plans on the battlefield.

It's not to say Obi-Wan was on-board with the situation at first, either. He still recalls the first time Anakin made a move on him (for it is usually Anakin who must initiate things, even now), watching Anakin stalk up to him once they had a moment alone, eyeing Obi-Wan in a way that was very telling of his intentions and before Obi-Wan had even noticed, Anakin's face was _far_ too close to his--

He had all but shoved Anakin back as soon as he realized their lips were touching, his breath coming in nervous pants as he stared at the younger Jedi in shock. Anakin stared back at him, eyes wide, the surprise almost comical on his face.

"What are you doing?" He had asked (well, _demanded_ is probably a better word for it).

Anakin had flustered at the question, confused. "You-- _what_? You were giving me some _serious_ eyes back there, Obi-Wan--"

"I did no such thing." Maybe he did. He still can't recall.

"You _did_!" Anakin had insisted, accusatory in his tone. "And you-- I was just-- _ugh_ ," he had scoffed, shaking his head sharply. Obi-Wan watched him turn away then, embarrassment and dejection rolling off him in stifling waves. "Whatever. Forget it," he grumbled, just before stalking off towards the ship they'd arrived on, leaving Obi-Wan there with his brain screaming one agonizing thought:

_What am I going to do?_

That particular exchange had been quite the hurdle to manage himself over. It had been the first interaction that hinted there was even minuscule interest, to some degree, between the two of them. Obi-Wan would be lying if he said he was oblivious to some of the attention Anakin had lobbed his way through the years, but that was par for the course. When you're spending nearly every waking hour, and even your resting hours, at the side of someone whom you must trust with your life, there are certain things that seem to be a bit inevitable (though the Jedi Code would beg to differ, apparently).

Regardless, once the interest was indicated, it was only a matter of time, really, before Obi-Wan convinced himself to let go of his stiff-lipped reservations and accept the thing between them for what it is.

It's not as if they're _lovers_ , after all. Love is not acceptable for Jedi, far too tethering and volatile of an emotion, the thing that betrayals and fallen Jedi seem to be chocked full of. Obi-Wan is not as stupid as to wander down that road (so he thinks), but if he is allowed to indulge in running his fingers through Anakin's thick hair while they rut and groan and pant, then Obi-Wan would be foolish not to indulge. If Anakin indicates interest in feeling Obi-Wan's beard scrape roughly against his face while they kiss, while they touch themselves to the pleasure they can bring one another, then why _not_?

...That's definitely Anakin's influence on him, the scathing retort of "why _not_?" to such an inquiry. Obi-Wan stifles a smile at the thought.

"What are you smiling about?" Anakin asks, amusement thick in his tone as he watches Obi-Wan from the corner of his eye. He sits beside Obi-Wan on the floor in Obi-Wan's quarters, hands balanced on his knees with his legs crossed; they sit together identically on the floor, as they're _both_ supposed to be meditating right now. Clearly that is not the case, if Anakin is looking at him close enough to notice a minuscule twitch of his lips.

Obi-Wan smiles a bit wider, shaking his head. "Nothing in particular," he assures easily. He cracks open an eye to glance over at Anakin. "Why, pray tell, are you watching me rather than meditating?"

Anakin clears his throat, pretending to have some modesty. The Force betrays his attempt at casualness, as his desire is so prominent, it's nearly suffocating. Obi-Wan distantly wonders what could possibly be arousing about meditating in Obi-Wan's dimly-lit quarters, but the Force helpfully supplies him with the hazy double-vision of himself, the apple of his throat, the focus on his hands--

"You've been watching me this entire time, haven't you."

Anakin flusters. "Well--! You were thinking so loudly, _Master_ , it didn't make the best backdrop for meditation."

"Modesty is not your strong suit, Anakin."

That gets a laugh out of him. Obi-Wan watches Anakin chuckle to himself, shaking his head as he tries to center himself. The attempt only lasts a moment before Anakin cracks open an eye towards Obi-Wan.

"So _you_ get to stare at _me_ , now?"

"Fair's fair," Obi-Wan answers sagely. "Balance is key in all aspects of life, Anakin."

"Are you seriously trying to make this into a lesson?"

Obi-Wan falters with a laugh, realizing his own blunder. He is a fool, but he is thankful that Anakin is willing to be so blunt with him. He is caught up in thinking what to say next when he finds Anakin rolling forward to his knees, moving to crawl towards Obi-Wan with a tantilizing leer on his face.

"I have a lesson for _you_ instead, Obi-Wan," Anakin says in a low voice as he pushes closer. Obi-Wan leans back a bit when Anakin moves into his lap. He feels Anakin's hands sit on his chest, watches Anakin watch him for a moment with a small smirk on his lips. Obi-Wan's heart aches at the thought of just how bloody _handsome_ Anakin is, with his square-cut jaw and his wavy mess of dark blond hair, the bareness of his throat and the dimples in his smile.

Anakin moves in close, close enough to brush their noses together, but their lips just barely ghost over each others'. Obi-Wan fights the urge to shiver.

Anakin's whisper is hot against his mouth, ticklish on his beard:

"Stop thinking."

And then Anakin _gives_ him a reason to stop thinking, because Anakin moves in fully to kiss him at that point. He kisses deep and borderline aggressive, but no harm comes to Obi-Wan. He just shivers at the slick-slide of Anakin's tongue against his own and the feeling of Anakin's body rolling just so in his lap, so that Anakin's half-hard cock can press between them through all their robes.

Anakin seems like he doesn't know what he wants; his side of the Force is so jumbled with a hundred different feelings, and Obi-Wan doesn't have the focus to sit there and make sense of them all when he's got Anakin licking into his mouth and grinding down against him. It's real fucking good, if Obi-Wan is honest with himself, and his hands hover over Anakin, unsure of where to set them.

The kiss breaks when Anakin pulls back for a breath, though Obi-Wan belatedly realizes he's panting too. He finds himself staring at Anakin's spit-slick lips, watching the way he licks at the corner of his own mouth mindlessly. He's so caught up in watching Anakin that he jumps a little when Anakin pulls at his belt, fumbling with the reversed nature of it on Obi-Wan's body. Obi-Wan lifts his hands to help, and the second he does, Anakin seems to give up in the quest in favor of tugging off his own belt and shoving open his robes.

Obi-Wan almost makes a quip about Anakin's impatience, but sagely decides not to comment when he realizes that he, too, is impatient for release. He can't stop watching Anakin, watching how he moves, watching every detail of his body as he pushes down his trousers just enough to get his cock out.

He sees Anakin looking at him, almost seeming stern, and the unsaid _You, too_ is there in the gaze they share for but a moment. Obi-Wan sighs his relief into the Force and follows Anakin suit in wiggling down his pants (with Anakin in his lap, which is quite a feat) enough to pull his cock out. His eyes slip shut as he takes advantage of his own touch, stroking himself once, twice, and finds his mouth full of Anakin's tongue once again.

The kiss is much more frantic this time, involving more clumsy clacking of teeth and soft grunts as they both touch themselves. It's only when Obi-Wan feels the overwhelming _Not enough_ from Anakin's side of the Force does the position change. Anakin pushes his hips up flush to Obi-Wan, trapping their cocks between them. Obi-Wan's gaze flicks to Anakin, watching his mouth go slack as Anakin reaches down with his flesh-and-blood hand to circle his fingers around both of them, giving the slightest squeeze and--

" _Oh_ ," Obi-Wan sighs explosively, a noise of surprise and pleasure. Anakin's hand is so warm, softer from lack of gripping a lightsaber in it, but he knows exactly what he's doing. Obi-Wan's breath comes in trembling pants as he struggles to hold on, lost in the feeling of Anakin's hand on him and Anakin's cock against his and _Anakin_ \--

Anakin isn't doing much better. Obi-Wan hears his quiet little groans as he moves, his hot breaths falling against Obi-Wan's skin in the most delicious way. He pushes his hips into his hand, which pushes his dick against Obi-Wan's, and if that isn't the most incredible feeling, Obi-Wan doesn't know _what_ is.

Anakin arches his head back, unable to keep up the focus that kissing requires the closer he gets to the edge. Obi-Wan doesn't blame him, instead moving a hand back behind him to hold himself up better, his other hand landing on Anakin's shapely thigh and giving him a squeeze. That seems to spur Anakin on more, his hand and hips moving faster to race towards his orgasm. He lets out a curse that is quite colorful, but Obi-Wan hasn't the mind to think of it when everything feels so good--

Obi-Wan shivers roughly at the guttural moan Anakin makes when he comes, spilling over his knuckles and making a warm mess of them. It slicks things up a bit, and Anakin's pace is relentless as he milks himself for what he's worth, giving Obi-Wan the handjob of a lifetime in the process. He chokes out a moan of his own as Anakin mindlessly strokes, hand squeezed tight around the two of them, and Obi-Wan grips tight at Anakin's thigh when the coil in his belly winds too tight and he's coming, _oh_ \--

His breaths come in shaky huffs as he rides through it. He feels Anakin's grip remain, stroking him through his orgasm with remarkable dedication. Obi-Wan can't think much about that, eyes shut as he slowly comes back to earth, his senses returning to him bit by bit.

Anakin finally lets go of them both, backing off Obi-Wan's lap to sit on the floor again. Neither of them say anything for a long while, content just to clean up what they can (which isn't much) and half-heartedly pull their robes into a more decent state.

"Well," Obi-Wan hums, a low rumble, "that certainly wasn't what I was expect--"

Anakin shushes him, lazily so, tapping a finger to his lips. "You're supposed to be not-thinking," he reminds him with a lopsided smile. Obi-Wan watches him then scoot on the rug to sit in his previous spot from before, legs folded criss-cross with his hands resting calmly atop his knees, palms up. He feels Anakin stretching into the Force with a calmness that is severely uncharacteristic of Anakin, but Obi-Wan suspiciously connects to his recent orgasm.

Obi-Wan opens his mouth to comment, a jab at Anakin's ability to meditate being connected to sexual release, but thinks better of it; Anakin seems fairly at peace, if the Force and the calm expression on his face is anything to go by, so Obi-Wan keeps his mouth shut. He instead focuses on centering himself as well, sitting in a position more proper for meditation and shuts his own eyes, reaching out silently into the Force.

The content and calmness that all but swallows him up is ridiculously amazing, to the point that Obi-Wan doesn't really know what to make of it. He finds himself not tumbling through his thoughts like before, thoughts of Anakin, rather simply able to focus on nothing, yet still be aware of _everything_. This is the peace he is used to when reaching into the Force like this, but it has been particularly hard to come by with the war going on.

Obi-Wan feels himself relax into the Force then, feeling Anakin at his side. The Force thrums between them, full of satisfaction and content.

This is where he is meant to be.

He allows himself to stop thinking. For now.

**Author's Note:**

> I like the idea that anything going on between Anakin and Obi-Wan is pretty low-key and mutually deemed as like Not Anything Serious (when it kind of is a little tiny bit). I think it's [chef kiss] _delicious_.


End file.
